Holidays

Not sure how to broach this topic-so I'll try to tread lightly.

Normally every year I'm excited about Christmas and spending time with my family, and this year is no differant. I am still looking forward to spending time with my family and resting, but there seems to be something hanging overhead this year. I have an aching inside this year that has never been there in years pasts. There seems to be an emptiness and a sadness that hasn't been there. Maybe it is that I see more and more how Christmas for me really isn't about the presents or the food but being with people that I love and who love me back. I sit here and think back on all of the fond memories and smile but yet there is more, so much more that is missing.

Maybe I'm not content where I am at this Christmas. Maybe I want something more. Maybe I want the security or safety of just being. I have a pretty good idea of what it is, but maybe it really isn't that at all. Maybe it is something completely differant. Whatever it is it has me thinking and working threw what is really important and what I can live without.