Providence

Friday went well. My dad at one point asked if I wanted to talk, I immediately turned on the t.v. and said I just wanted to chill. He was ok with that. I'm just not ready.

So the more I think about everything the more I realize that God's hand is truly in this-it isn't mere coincidence that both my dad and myself are in counseling. It truly is not a coincidence that God has been calling me to a deep healing that only He can bring for the last 4 or 5 months. I guess I just never thought the deep pain that I was and still am experiencing would be sooooo deep. It is really hard, but I knew that it would be. I guess I should be excited that this is all coming out, but the more I find out the more I feel like a child needing to be protected and shielded. Right now I'm not so sure how I"m going to "grow up" the child within (boy doesn't that sound like psycho babble) but I know that with God I will heal because I refuse to let this hurt me any longer.

Like I've told my mom and other wonderful people "If this will help my marriage and my children in the future then I will do what it takes to make those relationships, and the relationships around me, healthier and better."

So I step forward out of anger (most of the time) and into the eager anticipation of God's mercy and love towards me and my dad both.